Pushing Send

We’ve all been there—finger hovering over the button, closed eyes, daring ourselves to do it—push send. I’ve found myself in that place countless times, whether sending a sensitive email or making an unnecessary purchase on Amazon. Questioning my self-trust seems more intense than usual in those moments. I want to do it but also know I can’t unsend that email and can’t always cancel that order. There is something challenging about willing myself to push send.

So here I am, pushing one of the biggest send buttons of my life—in a really big way! This is one of those moments when the phrase “My life flashed before my eyes” comes to mind. That feels like what’s happening here! Two years ago on my birthday, the reality of how many trips around the sun I had made seemed more significant than in previous years. 62. Ouch.

I had recently enrolled in an online training course, and as was my practice, I searched social media for the names of those who would be in my cohort. I connected with one of the women who introduced herself and told me she was finishing her master’s degree in counseling. A pang of jealousy hit me; she was living my dream! I sat back and thought for a moment: I could do that!  It will take two years, but I will be two years older by then, regardless.

So, why not with a master’s degree in mental health counseling?

I knew my biggest challenge would be coming from the era of hard-copy, handwritten papers of the 70’s to learning to navigate various technology programs I knew nothing about. With a few words of inspiration from my new friend, I found an online application to a program designed for non-traditional students, just over an hour away—within driving distance. Right then, as a gift to myself on my 62nd birthday, I pushed send and enrolled in graduate school.

Since that day, two birthdays have come and gone. Thousands of miles later, I’ve made dozens of presentations and added 20 courses to my transcript. I have submitted countless APA-formatted papers (checked through Grammarly) and passed the required comprehensive exam. Through practicum and internships, 300+ direct hours with clients have been logged and hundreds of progress notes have been written. No telling how many times that send option stared back at me as I held my breath before pressing return on my keyboard.

On this day, I am reminded that the next two years will look very different. After sitting shoulder-to-shoulder with my collegiate friends who are decades younger, I stand when our row is called. Walking single-file like I did for the first time as a preschooler, I make my way into the sea of black gowns. This is it, I tell myself. Far different from sending that first application email, this time I am experiencing a sendoff of my own. I straighten my cap and take a deep breath. Hearing my name called, I trust myself and step into this next chapter of life.

……Send

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Wendy Lipham grew up in Mobile, Alabama, where she first shared her love for writing in elementary school by creating short stories and greeting cards. While she began writing as a way to make others smile, her words are now used to inspire other women on a deeper level. Having heard God’s call to work with survivors of sexual trauma, she now guides others through their own stories with curiosity and kindness. In her role as a therapist and through her writing, she hopes to encourage women to find their voice and discover beauty in their brokenness. At home, Wendy and her husband find joy in the laughter of their seven grandchildren, and they eagerly await the arrival of twin granddaughters this summer.